At Home in the Monkey House

Can't keep up two blogs

2008-09-12T01:47:15Z

Yikes, I seem to do better writing over at blogger. But I like to read the journals here.
So,Welcome to the Monkey House if you're interested, and to all my new Russian chums, welcome. I'm keeping a reading presence here.

One of those days

2008-06-03T04:42:45Z

You know, when the high point of your day is obscene corn dog, you really have some thinking to do.

I rarely say it, but TGIF

2008-05-31T04:17:09Z

Took Mom to her doctor who gave her the word that she's no longer a driver. (At my request...Lord I love that Doctor.) I was a wreck in the week leading up to it, as Mom is a tough old nut. She has handled it well, but I will pay.

First up: handicapped accessible chicken coop. And giant new chickens. Rodan style chickens. I hope she rethinks the killer chickens, because this is her #1 dog:

The pink - while gaudy - is temporary. The fact that she's barely 4 lbs. and and unpleasant to everyone and everything except Mom is going to give a whole new look to cockfighting.

How I'm going to spend the next week (or 6)

2008-05-26T00:07:34Z

I have been mowing like a crazy person, and with the fields done, the pressure is off. So, new adventure awaits. Like clearing out this disaster area. I fondly think that if I could put all my tools in one place, life would be good. The fact that I inherited vast amounts of useless/rusted/finger-cropping things has slowed me down, but I will persevere.

The metal recycling option has sure made it more fun and profitable. Would be even more fun if I could back the truck up to the door, but that would entail driving over my sewer repair (bad) and alerting my poor mother that I was going to get rid of something that Might Come In Handy Someday. (Unless and until I can con her doctor into prescribing more potent drugs this will not happen.) I can drag stuff around the corner and behind the barn. The chickens and peafowl will love the entertainment, and that is all that matters.

That dog likes his picture taken

2008-05-25T05:53:54Z

After 10 days of high heat/high winds and 10 acres of knee high grass, My tractor guy showed up. He was pretty pleased that he had only started small fires so far this season. Not good for my nerves. I stayed out watching all the time he mowed.

Of course I woke up to the sound of rain. Who would ever question that God has a sense of humor?

Bret Michaels with a roman nose

2008-05-21T15:32:25Z

What happens when smarty pants go behind the bushes and lose hairnets.

Gads, that looks like a beer can that missed the trashcan, but is actually a spray can saved from the trash. I can't keep up-it needs to be specially recycled, but how, I don't know. I'm a bad greenie, but I'm trying.

What the well dressed dog wears

2008-05-19T18:44:50Z

He is being pretty good about this. Not every dog would put up with a hair net.

Too much excitement

2008-05-16T14:40:03Z

What a thrilling 24 hours. and not in a good way.

7:30 am:Hot, hot, mowing like mad because it's too hot for the tractor guy to come and mow, but it's going to be too hot to have high grass everywhere.

9:00 am: Setting up sprinklers, big dog sees a critter. Seconds later, he's got foxtail in his ear. On Thursday, the vet's day off. Of course. Referral to new vet.

10:30 am: Really hot, big dog at vet, throws wingding, must be sedated. Our vet has done it, set do and me in room until he comes to for about $125. (I have many years of professional dog experience, which reasonably enough sub vet cannot know or depend on.) $233 bill for this one. Come back at 1:00 for doggy.

1:00 pm:Nothing done for doggy, winds are 25 mph and is very hot. he'll be ready at 3:00. Would it have been so difficult to call me at 12:30 when it was obvious you couldn't meet the 1:00 pickup? I guess not, and I guess you have blown the chance to steal a customer from the vet down the street. I'm convinced that the schools that forever advertise to young girls to start a career in veterinary medicine! really just teach them a singularly patronizing voice to use on clients. Armed with that, they easily get a job on the wonderful world of animal health. The rejects are hired by Kaiser Permanente.

3:00 pm: Doggy released, and he hates me. Sometimes dogs can be too smart. Hot.

4:00 pm: Finally get boots off, sitting with dog who is just a little less resentful, and fire engines go by, and stop. High winds, and field in front of reputed halfway house across the street is on fire. High, high winds. With one shoe on, get the golf cart, get Mom and her dog out and get the gates open. Ready to vomit. Mary drove like crazy person over, and got yanked out of her car by cop (probably deserved it, but still...)

Upshot of all this, two poodles, large sulky dog, and cat all in bed, and still hot, and I couldn't sleep all night.

Self medicated with Ben & Jerry's. Got to get a new jones.

5:00 pm

White trash image of the day

2008-05-15T02:23:11Z

And it's ALL Mine. It's bad enough that I have two of these fine chairs on my back porch (though I think it would take 4 to equal the dreaded "upholstered furniture on the porch" redneck qualifier), but this one was on its way to somewhere when the cat called dibs.

I'm sure this will be a regular feature.

Mother's Day

2008-05-12T14:58:49Z

A fun fest, for sure.

Mom isn't just forgetful (she's been forgetting things conveniently for years-I will never know when it became for real), she has slowly been forgetting how to do things. She has cut down driving to just going to the beauty salon a mile away. Or more to the point, between the fact that she doesn't like to go anywhere, and the fact that I insist on driving her to "make things easier", the beauty salon is the only place she would want to drive.

I started the process of getting her driver's license pulled Saturday. I'm scared to death because from experience with both Mom and her sisters, this could get really ugly. Ugly and sad, but I'm hoping for the best from her doctor. Made for a depressing Saturday.

The chicken from hell finally got pitched and I made a lovely black stretch velvet skirt that tickled Mom to death. Along with a box of See's and a key lime pie, she was pleased.

Step #23...

2008-05-10T02:39:51Z

This is the little project from hell. Tomorrow is eaten up with other projects (why did I volunteer to make key lime pie when the only ingredients I have are sugar and flour, why am I going to a Catholic Daughters luncheon when I'm neither Catholic or a daughter of one, and why did I pass out refreshments at the multicultural dinner at school for three hours last night when my only kid has four legs and the brain of a feather duster?)I should finish this tonight. I really should.

Only 25 steps to go. I wish I could say pride in workmanship will make me follow the directions to the letter, but this pup is going to have some shortcuts. Bless you cataract surgery-Mom only needs reading glasses now and she loses them, so if I say it's a chicken-it's a !@#$%chicken!

Update: 2 hours later and I'm still on the computer. I hate that chicken.

Creativity Corner

2008-05-08T06:05:40Z

On step 10 of the 48 futile steps to the chicken purse. I could have made a tailored jacket in the time this is going to take me to make this handbag from hell. It would look a lot better too. I did find helpful tips for timtex online, so there is an upside; I can take that to something that will please me.

Went to See's for Mom's candy Mother's Day gift.( I have to hit all the major gift groups, I'm an only child.) Bought some for self, to dole out as I finished tasks. Ate all after one task. Not a hight point in the moderation derby. Will write it off to late reaction to being mistaken for a pheasant.

Well ordered militia, yadda yadda

2008-05-07T04:14:37Z

Good old boys strike again. I was standing 3 feet away. It was an Oswald shot, but that's not really a lot of comfort. Cops went looking, but no luck. Empty fields are catnip to these folks, and trespassing, hunting in a no hunting zone, and out of season doesn't mean a thing.

What I won't do for Mom

2008-05-06T14:57:35Z

Mom likes stuff. Worse yet, she like eccentric purses to carry at Kaiser. So...a chicken purse, in honor of my chicken "Chickie" who is sitting on eggs outside Mom's from door. I don't think the eggs have any chance of hatching, but they both seem to like the company.

There are issues. Someone went off much needed meds when this pattern was put together. There are 48 steps to make this little gem. Someone has a side jobs as a tissue salesman as there are 44 pattern pieces, when a reasonable person could do it in 8. Some measurements seem way off, and some layout diagrams for all the contrasting pieces are missing. I have all my pieces cut out, waiting for the cat to fling them in spite, and hope I have energy to tackle it tonight.

Time flies

2008-05-04T21:33:32Z

Holy crapola, if I ever decide to have a mega garage sale I want someone, anyone, to stop me. Staple me to the floor if necessary. The whole place looks like the zoo keepers have taken off for a month. it was, in fact a week, but between the 80 year old whirlwind of Kleenex, and the shedding mound of dog, time went by in a way that was just wrong.

I just picked up a load of the non-selling-but-give-it-another-chance stuff, and should have unloaded it, but instead read the hottest Torchwood fic. Just what I need when I'm trying to be responsible. Oh well, it's offset by the fact that we're taking a big load of stuff to St. Paul's for their white elephant sale. I'm not entirely sure this is going to get me browinie points upstairs.

I'd forgotten just how much work these things can be, and what kind of goofballs and crazy situations pop up. Of all my junk, this pie safe
caused the most hassle. Half the people that came by wanted it but wouldn't pay $100 (must remember to sell trendy things in decade they're trendy), the other half kept telling me it was worth so much more (but they of course didn't need one...). Getting a decent price out of anything at a garage sale is hit or miss, and I wasn't all worried either way, but the advice was driving me nuts. ended up selling it for less to a lady I like, and telling the ones that had been hemming and hawing and whining that I got full price. Good all around.

Did really well anyway, so field mowing, tractor tuneup and $100 towards gas to Idaho is covered.

We just might do this again.

Sanford & Son...without the son

2008-04-23T15:41:46Z

In theory, picking up the masses of metal at our places (with partner in crime Sally*) seems like an excellent idea. In reality, it's not so fun. We did tear down part of a shed, and make a trip to the dump. Fun and I scored a fabulous hammer that the dumpee before us left behind. We did it like pros:non-recyclables in one truck, metal in another, garage sale on the side. While drinking bottled water. Earth Day princesses, that's us!

*not her real name.

Having nothing to do with much, Sally just let me know that the trailer across the street, which we thought was a salvage project for the neighbors (aka the vampire people), actually has people living in it. One of which was seen at 8:00am, outside the trailer, in a g-string, scratching his nuts. And people think it's so beautiful out here...

A Rooster on a walker...

2008-04-17T14:49:10Z

what an apt image.

Speaking of odd ducks, my tree trimmer guy showed up today. (I tend to have a guy for everything that can go wrong.) He was, as usual "in the neighborhood", a dubious proposition as I live in the sticks with 5 houses per mile. But, I had a problem, a big one, and he had been on my mind, so there you go. A tree had taken a decided tilt towards my house. A late member of my family figured if planting 10 eucalyptus trees would be good, 300 would be fabulous. I bankrolled the project, the lousy things were 10 cents each, and I thought it was a good idea at the time.

Twenty years and $600 later, that tree won't be driving me to the one thing I dread more than anything: living with Mom. I would have handed over a kidney if needed.

Bill the tree trimmer guy doesn't actually trim trees of course, he has his fellas come by. Between SMUD and PG&E lines, and our own stupidity, I've seen a lot of tree fellas, and they are a colorful bunch. These guys were pleasant, well-spoken, fully teethed and one was even smart enough to wear a helmet and safety goggles. I complemented him on it. The leader stopped me cold-he had tats in his EARS. The neck tattoos were average enough- but the inside of his frigging ears -they were green!

I wonder what message he is trying to convey. Does he really like pain, and this is a wordless way to attract a dom? Or is a Kermit fetish, part of a larger furry look that he dons in his off hours? (Can Kermit be furry, or would he fit into the larger costume/animal kink?)

I'm left with an incredibly neat stack of wood, 299 eucs, and lingering questions. Such is life.

stumbling through...

2008-04-16T03:34:00Z

This is getting off to a good start. I was going to post a picture that said it all. Only problem is that my phone screen is wacked, and I seem to have sent a picture of a rooster on a walker to someone other than myself. Hope they like it.

I will have to go with a favorite recipe. Good for what ails ya.

Pity Party Fudge
2     cups     sugar
1     cup     peanut butter
1     teaspoon     vanilla extract
3     tablespoons     cocoa powder     optional
Directions
Mix sugar, 1/2 cup water, and optional cocoa in a saucepan,
and boil rapidly for exactly one minute.

Pour over peanut butter and vanilla in a bowl, and beat until
thick.

Pour into buttered pan and allow to cool.

Cut into squares.